Play To Stay


Who doesn’t want to draw in a coloring book, squish Play-Doh, or build with LEGOs? We all do! So WHY don’t we?

As grown ups, we often forget to play or even AVOID it because we feel uncomfortable being vulnerable… especially with our partners if things are rocky.

We hear it EVERY day… “I’m bored”, “I am not ‘In Love’ anymore”, “We are just not compatible”, “We are like roommates”…

Couples also tend to BLAME each other for their feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and boredom. They think – life would be better if they just switched out their partner, started over, or changed something outside of themselves.

The reality is – that YOU have to cultivate your own happiness and play is a big part of that.

Stuart Brown, M.D. is a pioneer in the research of play and author of Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. He believes that play is essential at any age and that it FUELS our happiness. He states that, “The opposite of play is not work, it’s depression.”

Play helps build and foster intimacy, creativity, and desire.  Play works because it is a NON VERBAL way to communicate feelings.  Playing with your partner allows for deep connections.

A couple that is laughing together is also a couple who ENJOYS being together, and who will find navigating all the difficulties of marriage much easier.

As relationship expert, Esther Perel states – “Desire requires that we maintain a curiosity to the ungraspable, subjective nature of our partner.”

Play can take many forms. It’s taking a hike, a walk, a bike ride. It’s going on a picnic, throwing a Frisbee, or flying a kite. It’s doing a jigsaw puzzle, playing a board game, or learning a musical instrument. It’s flirting and daydreaming.

When we play, our walls come down.  Our defenses fall. We feel less threatened as the emotional intensity decreases.

So whether it’s role-play, foreplay, or horseplay – do it!

*** If you are sick of feeling stuck and want to know HOW to start enjoying play, intimacy, and some fun in your marriage… book a free discovery call with us and we will let you know how to do just that!

Ray & Debbie Cherry, LMFT