How To Take A “Baggage Break” So That You Can Stop Unhealthy Relationship Patterns… (even if you have been “stuck” for years)
Do you find yourself going over and OVER old comments or past hurtful actions that your partner has made?
This is a human dilemma… we’re actually wired MORE for protection than for affection!
When we’re hurt our brain remembers the pain very clearly and stores it away in a safe place so that you can use this information to “protect” yourself in the future.
When we go to reach out to our partner again, our brain tells us to STOP… it’s not safe.
We all have a constant struggle between wanting to be close to our partners and wanting to avoid pain.
One of the biggest problems with holding onto old BAGGAGE in your relationship is that the darn resentment just builds and builds.
It’s often said that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Yet the one who suffers is the person who harbors resentment.
Ongoing resentment in a relationship often leads to withdrawal, lack of vulnerability, and little intimacy.
Being STUCK in the past means you’re not ready or able to move into the future… all of the wonderful possibilities ahead of you.
Embracing the ability to say goodbye to the past helps you steer yourself back on the road towards a POSITIVE future.
Letting go of your old baggage allows you to heal and move on with your life….
It’s about giving to yourself, your children, and perhaps even your partner – the kind of future you all deserve – free of old hurt and recycled anger.
It’s about choosing to live a life where others don’t have POWER over you and you’re not dominated by unresolved anger, bitterness, and resentment.
We can spend our lives waiting for someone to apologize or “get it”, but in the end it is really a DECISION we make to move on with our lives and to let go of resentment, or not.
The best way to START to let go of old baggage and resentment is to take a break from it and see what new ideas, thoughts, actions, and patterns come up.
When did going over and over something or talking it to death ever really “fix” anything anyway… right?
It’s about time to try something new…
Do an experiment… for one week – pack that relationship baggage up (write it down in a journal and put it away), send it off (visualize it going away), and then decide next week what – if any of it – you actually WANT to pick back up.
You would be amazed at these “deal breakers” lose their power when you allow space to create what you actually both want in your relationship.
*** If you are sick of feeling stuck and want to know HOW to start enjoying play, intimacy, and some fun in your marriage… book a free discovery call with us and we will let you know how to do just that!
Ray & Debbie Cherry, LMFT