2 Tips To Turn Your Criticism Into Helpful Feedback That Will Not Push Your Partner Further Away…
You will always have COMPLAINTS about the person you love. Sometimes, they will drive you absolutely crazy!
People who experience a lot of conflict in their romantic relationships usually come to realize that they’re pretty much always fighting about the SAME thing.
Maybe the topic changes, but underneath it’s always about the same thing.… That’s because there’s NEVER been any resolution.
When one person keeps blaming and the other person continues defending, couples get STUCK in an endless cycle of pain and frustration.
NEITHER partner ever really feels heard, nor does either partner really ever hear.
CRITICISM AND DEFENSIVENESS ARE LIKE THE YIN AND YANG OF DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS.
TIP # 1 – STOP THE CYCLE
Just stop it. Don’t participate in this same damaging pattern. Do something different… change the pattern. Then, you can create a NEW pattern that will lead to actually hearing each other.
TIP # 2 – REPLACE CRITICISM WITH COMPASSION
Dr. John Gottman, psychologist and researcher, wasn’t the first one to warn against criticism (that it is one of 4 biggest predictors of divorce – with 90% accuracy)…
There were countless others before him who have talked about acceptance and PEACE in relationships, like… Buddha, Solomon of The Proverbs, Gandhi, Mark Twain, Eleanor Roosevelt, Teddy Roosevelt and Jesus all spoke about criticism.
When criticism arises, give it some space, think it through and don’t react immediately. Try to look at the situation with compassion.
What is my partner afraid at this moment… that I will abandon him/her and is lashing out? Rather than combat this FEAR with anger, turn it around with compassion.
COMPASSION & EMPATHY ARE SURPRISINGLY EFFECTIVE WHEN TWO PEOPLE ARE LOCKED IN A PAINFUL PATTERN.
It diffuses the situation, slows everything down, and gives everyone a chance to be really heard – from the heart and soul – which is what we all REALLY want in the end…. Isn’t it?
>>> If you are SERIOUS about creating this kind of joy, connection, and trust in your relationship… just schedule a free call with us and let’s come up with a GAME PLAN to do just that…
☎️ BOOK A FREE DISCOVERY CALL HERE: